Well Done

Have you noticed the sidewalk repairs on Route 20 over the past month or so? I have. It's great. On even the hottest of days the DPW has been out there hammering out the broken concrete, and pouring new concrete pads for the sidewalk. They even put a non-slip surface on the new work.

Nice work.

This project makes the sidewalks much safer for those with strollers, walkers, wheelchairs, and on foot. Once the utility poles are moved underground, the sidewalks should be ADA compliant, too.

Now, wouldn't it be swell if a sidewalk was added to the south part of Route 20 where there isn't one now?

We can hope.

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Use Your Yardstick

The measure of a person is set by their actions, words, and ultimately, their legacy. Of course, their legacy is formed by those actions and words they did and spoke during their lifetime. The legacy thing is something we strive for, but would like to wait on a just a bit. A long wait would be best.

It's all fairly simple, really. Nothing complicated here.

Danny Thomas, the late actor, has a wonderful legacy. He built the St. Judes Hospital for Children, and worked to support it all his life. His story is worth reading. Tom Yawkey is another person whose legacy includes the continual work he did for the Jimmy Fund in Boston. These men gave of themselves to a charity that was far greater than themselves.

Today, other well know people are involved in all manner of foundations and charities around the world, lending their name, time, and reputation to something bigger than they are.

The Lance Armstrong Foundation, The Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research, The Larry King Cardiac Foundation, Joe Kennedy's Citizen Energy, Mary Tyler Moore's support for the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation, Paul Newman and Julia Roberts support the Hole in the Wall Gang Fund are just a few of the examples of people with excellent reputations founding, supporting, and being spokespeople for charities and foundations that benefit all of us.

The character and integrity of the people involved with a particular organization speaks so much about that organization. Positive, and decent people inflict a positive reflection on the people and things they are associated with.

Another no brainer, and this why organizations, and charities seek out those among us, that are an example to others, to represent their organization.

And, then there are those organizations that were started with an excellent idea, and purpose, but their founders, and/or public spokespeople have absolutely no credibility in the community. It'll be tough going for them. People associate personalities with organizations they are linked to. If the spokesperson is a bit of a dweeb it will not help the organization one iota in raising funds. In fact, it will most likely hurt the good intentions of the organization a great deal.

One can overlook the spokesperson of an organization, and donate to their cause on its shear merit alone, but that will work for only some. We can hope that the others in the organization will see things as they are, and make changes if they want to succeed, and distance themselves from the distraction. If they don't, then it is only common sense that they really don't have their heart in what they are doing, and success is not that important to them. Or, they really have no say. I tend to believe the latter is true in most cases, and that will ultimately come back to haunt them.

Sadly, that is not a good thing.

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"They Won't Grow Up, They Won't Grow Up"

The photo to the left was taken of me this past May, before the wedding. It's amazing how fast we grow up when responsibility is knocking at the door.

Then, some of us never do fully grow up. You can tell who they are. They are the ones that think the world around them is one big sandbox in the playground. They saunter around the as if they are the "King of the Hill". They do an awful lot of yelling, too. Sometimes for no real reason other than to hear themselves. This is so familiar.

"Kids".

They'll say things like, "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you." as they inch their finger closer to your arm. "I'm not touching you" will suddenly become, "Mom!!! He's touching me!!" when someone stronger shows up, and clobbers them.

Name calling is another tactic these "kids" still do. You would think they would have learned that they are glue, and the rest of the world is rubber by now. They start off slow, and kinda quiet like, "Hey, stupid." And when nobody pays any attention, they ramp it up a bit, "Stupid Face!". And, then there is the Rapid Double Name tactic, "Stupid Face Jerk". The 'jerk" added for emphasis, and for lack of anything better to say in a moments notice. These "kids" don't think well on their feet.

One of the best things they do is run around the "playground" all day, calling names, irritating others, including grown ups, and when they get smacked by someone else, and called a "baby" or worse, they amp it up really loud and try to tell everyone within range that so and so is calling them names!

What's up with that?

They didn't learn years ago that whining is like an engraved invitation for further smack downs? It's like wearing a sign around their neck, "Beatings Accepted Here For Free All Day".

When they run up against someone tougher they will start saying things like, "That kid eats bugs 'cuz I never see any bugs around him, so I know he eats them". Shock factor, and inference. Hey, the Enquirer has been doing it for years, it works. But, soon, credibility is long gone. The "kid" launched it off the teeter-totter during his last tantrum. It's history.

Then where does he go? Sometimes they realize that they may have overstepped, and will look for a quick fix to get them back in everyones good graces.

"Mom! I emptied the trash, and washed the dog, and detailed your car, and changed the baby , spayed the cat, watered the grass, fed the homeless, and did my homework. Can I go out now?"

They do have a great way of making up for being a brat, don't they? We smile, and forget that they pushed the Deacon down the stairs last Sunday. You gotta love 'em.

Naw, not really. We're the grownups. We know how they work. We can see through these Peter Pan wannabe's. They're still irritating as all hell.

But, they live among us. Not much we can do.

So, getting back to that photo sitting up there. Yep, that's me. Just a few years ago. Physically, I've changed. Taller, heavier and hairier now. Still have the bucket on my head most of the time. See, I am one of those people that still acts like a kid. Always have been. Helps in my career, and helps in life.

The difference is I know when to turn it on, and off. Being a grown up taught me that.

The Tie That Binds

This past Sunday, high on a hill just a few miles away, we were witnesses to something we had never experienced before. We were guests at a "handfasting".

A handfasting is what most of us refer to as a wedding, and like a wedding, the ceremony binds the couple together for life.

Each religion has its rituals, hymns, leaders, and congregation, and those that practice handfasting are no different than the rest of us that hold some belief close to our hearts.

I have to admit, not having ever participated in a ceremony like this before, that I had the preconceived notions that one develops from plain ignorance. Those notions vanished as I witnessed the ritual.

Quite frankly, I was very moved. Really.

A few weeks prior to the handfasting we received a letter from the couple. In the letter the couple wrote of the history of the ritual, what to expect when we arrived, and how the day would evolve. The letter did give us a great deal of insight, but as I said, my ignorance, and my preconceived ideas were only enhanced.

When we arrived at the function room on top of the hill, we met briefly with family, and friends in the parking lot, and then after awhile, we moved into the hall. As we passed through the main doors a few people outside wafted the smoke from burning sage towards us as a cleansing. I've always loved the smell of burning sage. In the summer, if you stick a bunch of it in an old coffee can and burn it outside, the mosquito's are kept at bay. The down side, for some, is it smells like ganja, and if your neighbors are nosey, that's what they will assume you are burning.

After we entered the hall we placed a small rock on a table with many others. The couple had asked us to bring a stone, about the size of a golf ball, to the ceremony. It was to symbolize the foundation on which they would build their lives from here on out. There were scores of small stones on the table cloth, and a very helpful person behind the table to explain the symbolism to all.

We then walked to the next table for a cleansing of the hands. Water from a pitcher was poured onto our hands, and we then dried them with a cloth at the table.

In the letter we received, we were asked to prepare some words of advice for the couple. The words were to be written at the ceremony, and then placed inside of a book for the couple to have. I wrote, "Trust, patience, and laughter." That, to me, says it all, not need for an essay here, and no need to mention the obvious, love. That is why they were there.

For a while before the actual ritual, we mingled with others in the room. People we knew, family we knew, and many others that we didn't know, but met and spoke with them for sometime. This is part of the ceremony as well, the meeting, and learning of each other.

I was beginning to feel comfortable.

The music was live and came from drummers at the end of the room. Large drums beaten by hand and stick kept a rhythmic cadence. It grew on me. I found my leg beginning to keep time.

So far, so good. The ideas that had formed in my head over years of not knowing slowly began to fade.

The ritual ceremony itself was very real. Not to say a joining of two people at any other wedding is not, but there was no pretension; the moment spoke for itself. Soon, the couple led us all out onto the lawn in front of a gazebo where a harpist sat. The couple led us in a circle, a very special symbol in their beliefs, and after a bit, we stopped. There was several chairs for those that could not stand the entire length of the ceremony spread out in the circle. What happened next was extremely moving.

As the harpist played, the Priestess welcomed us and made us feel, not only wanted, but needed. Soon, the woman, of the about to joined couple, spoke from her heart to her parents. She thanked them for bringing her into this world, raising her, and loving her. She unsuccessfully held back the tears. The man did the same, and spoke eloquently to both his parents. The words they shared with their mothers and fathers are the same most of us hold deep in our hearts for our parents, the difference was, they spoke the words to them, aloud, and in front of the world.

The parents of the couple then spoke to each other, and welcomed each other into their families. Hugs had become commonplace by this time, but still sent a good shiver down my back each time I witnessed it.

A braided cloth of several strands had been made prior to the ceremony. Each strand held by a parent , and the man and the woman as it was woven. The cord was them tied around the hands of the couple by the priestess for the first knot. This ritual is an ancient ritual that originated in Europe in the Middle Ages, thus our modern expression, "tying the knot" when referring to a marriage. The man and woman then each tied an other knot, and in turn, said their vows to one another.

The vows to each other were spoken aloud, but I had this distinct feeling that the voice box had been bypassed, and that the brain was sending the words out for all to hear directly from their hearts.

My contacts began to bother me at this point, and my eyes were all wet.

At the conclusion of the ceremony, a "web" was woven by the attendees. A tall wooden pole was held in the center of the circle, and a dozen or so smaller poles, connected by a cord to them main one were spread out into the circle of family and friends. Each of the guests were given a small ball of yarn which they tied one end of it to a cord , and then walked around the circle weaving the yarn under and over each successive cord. The web symbolized the love and support of all the attendees for the newly joined couple. It also symbolized that we were all connected through the couple. Simple, but true. It was a wonderful way to show it.

After the couple was given the completed web, we all went back into the function hall. The reception was held in a large white tent attached to the hall. Cocktails were now being served, a ritual I am familiar with, and after a bit we all sat down to a great meal, music, dancing, and mingling with family and new friends.

I guess the long and short of why I am writing this is that I made assumptions, and I was way off base. Long ago I invented notions in my mind that were wrong. And, although I did say I had an open mind before the event, it was only partially open. Maybe just a bit ajar.

It's a lot like many of the things we do, and say in our lives. We carry opinions about people we don't know, we carry notions about groups that we believe to be true, and we act out as if the beliefs of ours are correct, and righteous, without ever considering what others think of their own beliefs.

I have always thought myself to be among those that doesn't carry preconceived thoughts. After this weekend, I realize I have more work than I had thought to do on this person I call me.

Enlightenment is a good thing.

Everyone Has A Spare

From time to time I like to share a bit of humor from rural Massachusetts. --ed.
Two farmers from deep in Central Mass were talking one morning. Ephus turned to his friend, Rowley, and said, "Ephus, every year you win the blue ribbon at the fair for your fine lookin' Jerseys, and every year Milard Fleek starts up a few months before and rips you and your cows apart down at the Grange. He spreads all sorts of things. Says you feed them steroids, and send them to a spa the day before the show. How come you don't go down there and pop him one?"

Ephus stood quietly for a moment, then looked up at his friend and said, "Years ago my mother told me something. See, I was always gettin' my lunch pail taken away from me at school. Always by the same bully, Butch."

"I remember him! He was a piece of work, he was", said Rowley, his eyes all big with anticipation of the rest of the story.

"Well", continued Ephus, "One day I went home, and mother saw that I had been crying. I told her what had been going on, since second grade, doncha know, and she told me something I have always remembered to this day."

"What's that, Ephus? She tell you to go whip him, whip him good?". Rowley was getting more excited to hear the words Ephus's mother had bestowed upon him.

"No, she told me the Good Lord gave everyone on the Earth one ***hole, and in my case, the Lord must have thought I was special because he gave me one I carry around with me, and a spare one at school. I guess I am still lucky guy, 'cuz now I got one down at the Grange, too."

Both men looked at each other without expression for a second or two, then broke into laughter that could be heard all the way to Milard Fleeks barn.

"Yeah, I'm one lucky farmer, Rowley."

"Ayuh, you sure are Ephus. You have a spare."